| Tell your Friends! OurFaith Digest is Available Online. |
| How to Handle a Church Fight It's bound to happen. No matter how hard people try to get along, interpersonal conflict breaks out. Here's a helpful Christian guide to handling the hot stuff when it happens. |
Brothers and sisters sometimes fight at home so why not
the brothers and sisters in church? Disagreements are,
realistically, as much a part of church as they are any other
part of life. The difference is that God’s Word offers us
guidelines on how to best handle disputes.
So what happens when a problem arises in church? Here
are some helpful hints on how to make it an opportunity to
grow instead of a contest for domination.
Adopt a healthy attitude. Your frame of mind is critical.
Approach the situation with forethought and calm. Prayer
can be invaluable at this stage. Do not approach the other
party when you are angry or upset.
Read Matthew 18:15-20 beforehand. Consult the Bible to
orient your thinking. This is the model Jesus provided and
can be used to call to mind an appropriate method.
Talk directly to the person involved. Avoid “triangulation.”
Talking about someone to a third party can make the
conflict worse, since the person may feel that he or she is
the subject of gossip. Speaking with the other person
directly eliminates the danger and boosts the odds of a
good outcome.
Matthew 18: 15-17
If another member of the church sins against you, go and
point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the
member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if
you are not listened to, take one or two others with you, so
that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or
three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell
it to the church….”
Express yourself without attacking. Using “I statements”
can avoid casting the other person as the “bad guy” and
inflaming the conflict. “I statements” are sentences begin-
ning with phrases such as “I feel…” or “I’m uncomfortable
when…”
Keep “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) as your
goal. Your “truth” may not be the other party’s. Your
objective is to discover and honor each other’s “truth,” not
to put down the other person. Be ready to admit your own
faults and mistakes.
Seek out a third party to act as an impartial witness.
If direct conversation doesn’t resolve the conflict, locate
someone both parties trust to sit in. This can help clarify
your positions and bring understanding.
Build toward forgiveness and renewed friendship.
Agree upon how you will communicate to prevent future
misunderstandings.
Be aware that seemingly unrelated events in your or the
other person’s life may be playing an invisible role in the
conflict at hand. Be ready to shift the focus to the real
cause.
You may not be able to resolve the conflict at this time, but
don’t give up on future opportunities.
From The Mennonite Handbook. Copyright © 2007 by
Herald Press, Scottdale PA 15683. Used by permission.
the brothers and sisters in church? Disagreements are,
realistically, as much a part of church as they are any other
part of life. The difference is that God’s Word offers us
guidelines on how to best handle disputes.
So what happens when a problem arises in church? Here
are some helpful hints on how to make it an opportunity to
grow instead of a contest for domination.
Adopt a healthy attitude. Your frame of mind is critical.
Approach the situation with forethought and calm. Prayer
can be invaluable at this stage. Do not approach the other
party when you are angry or upset.
Read Matthew 18:15-20 beforehand. Consult the Bible to
orient your thinking. This is the model Jesus provided and
can be used to call to mind an appropriate method.
Talk directly to the person involved. Avoid “triangulation.”
Talking about someone to a third party can make the
conflict worse, since the person may feel that he or she is
the subject of gossip. Speaking with the other person
directly eliminates the danger and boosts the odds of a
good outcome.
Matthew 18: 15-17
If another member of the church sins against you, go and
point out the fault when the two of you are alone. If the
member listens to you, you have regained that one. But if
you are not listened to, take one or two others with you, so
that every word may be confirmed by the evidence of two or
three witnesses. If the member refuses to listen to them, tell
it to the church….”
Express yourself without attacking. Using “I statements”
can avoid casting the other person as the “bad guy” and
inflaming the conflict. “I statements” are sentences begin-
ning with phrases such as “I feel…” or “I’m uncomfortable
when…”
Keep “speaking the truth in love” (Ephesians 4:15) as your
goal. Your “truth” may not be the other party’s. Your
objective is to discover and honor each other’s “truth,” not
to put down the other person. Be ready to admit your own
faults and mistakes.
Seek out a third party to act as an impartial witness.
If direct conversation doesn’t resolve the conflict, locate
someone both parties trust to sit in. This can help clarify
your positions and bring understanding.
Build toward forgiveness and renewed friendship.
Agree upon how you will communicate to prevent future
misunderstandings.
Be aware that seemingly unrelated events in your or the
other person’s life may be playing an invisible role in the
conflict at hand. Be ready to shift the focus to the real
cause.
You may not be able to resolve the conflict at this time, but
don’t give up on future opportunities.
From The Mennonite Handbook. Copyright © 2007 by
Herald Press, Scottdale PA 15683. Used by permission.
| OurFaith Digest seeks to nourish faith, family and mission with stories from the Mennonite/Anabaptist faith tradition. |
Welcome to OurFaith Digest
| Copyright 2008 OurFaith Digest |